My memories of my eldest’s baby milestones are strong and vivid. Her first burp, first 10 decibel fart, first baby sign, first smile etc. I remember them all with little prompting. They’re warm and comforting, familiar and heart warming… pure joy.
My twins early milestones on the other hand are harder to remember and in many ways more emotional. The first months (possibly years) are a blur of joy, sadness, wonder, stress, fear and love.
When I do tap into those early months the tears and heartache are as strong now as they were back then. Which is maybe why I don’t easily remember them … my bodies natural way of helping me move forward.
My little Ra was born with a congenital heart defect and a cleft in her soft palate.
My little Ra was home for a few weeks after her birth and then spent many weeks in hospital.
My little Ra had open heart surgery at nine weeks old.
My little Ra had so many hospital appointments, so many people prodding and poking her…
I was just another face in the crowd.
She didn’t see me as someone special.
I never got that knowing smile from her when I walked in the room. That reassuring glance … that intangible soul bonding connection.
Maybe it was partly me. Maybe I was too scared to give myself, body and soul, to this tiny fragile life I grew in side of me. This little life I was scared would leave us.
Then one day at around 8 months old my little Ra looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and gazing into eyes, more wise than her years, I saw…
I saw her and she saw me. She really ‘saw’ me.
She knew…
“You’re the one. You are me, I am you… you are my everything!”
Not all baby milestones can be measured. Not all baby milestones can be photographed and shared. Some are are just moments.
Moments that will tug at your heart forever and stay with you until the day you die!
This is an entry into the Tots100/WaterWipes Baby Milestones challenge
Oh how very touching, what a real special moment, thank you for sharing x
What a lovely post, you’re right not all memories can be measured x
Oh this made me weep a little. I understand this post all to much. I found bonding with both my boys hard due to their medical issues. I always worried that they would break my heart, when truth be told they were supposed to break my hears!
Oh this is so touching, what a lovely post and beautiful memories you have. x
Awwww I love this, it’s so beautiful. What a traumatic time you had. x
Your baby has been through alot and I am glad now you are able to enjoy her fully.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Such a touching post, sounds like your bub has been through a lot! xx
Oh wow what a touching post, such a scary thing for you to all go through xxx
Awww this is super cute. I love looking back at diaries and pictures. They bring back memories.
What a touching post, it brought tears to my eyes. She is such a cutie x
This is such a beautiful post and a really touching one too xxxx
That is so very true. What a lovely post x
Aw sorry to hear about all you and Ra went through when she was having surgery but it must have been the most amazing feeling in your life when she truly looked at you xx
So very true, some memories cannot be measured and you put it so beautifully in this post x
What a challenging start to life she had and it must have been so difficult at the time – I am so glad you have your memories now
Oh! I cried for you, that’s so heartfelt. Your Little Ra is so brave – and so are you. I need more tissues!
What a sweet post! You are so right, that not all special moments can be measured.
This is such a gorgeous post, it really made me stop and think about the precious times with my boys when they were tiny
This brought tears to my eyes. My heart felt so full for you in that very special moment. Hugs!
Such a gorgeous post, I completely agree that some moments just cannot be recorded in the form of a photograph or external measurement x
What a lovely, lovely post about such a special moment – thank you for sharing it with us x
Such a great post! So true, not all moments can be measured.