Helping Teens build their confidence can be a delicate road to travel for parents. Their constantly changing world can be hard for them to navigate (it’s hard for us adults as well!), and sometimes they don’t adapt very well. The pressure, the demands from school, from family, from friends & from society can become overwhelming and fill their heads with so much ‘noise’.
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‘Be Confident Be You : The Teenage Guide’
“Be Confident Be You : The Teenage Guide” by well-being author and psychotherapist Becky Goddard-Hill, is specifically written as a guide, helping teens build, and boost, their confidence in order to make life easier, more positive and more productive.
It’s divided into 3 sections
- Confident Thoughts
- Confident Actions
- Confident Relationships
It’s full of short, to-the-point chapters that are full of engaging and meaningful activities, ideas, and practical guidance. Plus there’s a bit of science to explain why and how the ideas will work.
And its style is perfect for leaving around the house in areas like the loo, kitchen, on coffee tables etc. Or in clubs, schools, Dr’s surgeries, community halls etc. Anywhere it can be picked up and thumbed through at any time and in any order
Why Confidence Matters for Teens
Did you know? Research shows that teens with higher self-confidence are more likely to take on challenges, develop resilience, and maintain better mental health. But building confidence isn’t always easy—many teens struggle with:
- Social media comparisons – Feeling pressure to match unrealistic standards.
- School & exam stress – The fear of failure can be overwhelming.
- Friendship struggles – Navigating changing relationships.
- Fear of judgment – Worrying about what others think.
This is where books like Be Confident Be You can help! It gives practical exercises and real-life strategies to guide teens through these tricky years, helping them develop a stronger sense of self.
Worried about exam stress? Confidence plays a huge role in how teens approach their studies. If your teen is preparing for GCSEs, check out this guide on how to prepare your teen for GCSEs and KS4 to help them feel more in control of their learning.
So What is Confidence?
As mentioned the book is all about helping teens build their confidence. Through reading the book teens will learn new skills that will help them to…
- Trust themselves and their abilities.
- Believe they can cope and will be OK.
- Know they can rely on themselves!
And as their confidence grows so will their self-esteem.
Book Extract
Here Becky shares an extract from her book Be Confident Be You – a teenage guide to confidence. In this extract, Becky guides teens to embrace who they are and to celebrate their individuality.
Me, Myself, and I
Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” ― Harvey Fierstein
Liking and accepting who you are can have a huge impact on your self-confidence.
Society, friends and family will put labels on you, defining you by your age, race, culture, faith, gender and sexuality, They will also give you labels according to their opinion of your personality e.g. silly, hard-working or unmotivated.
There is not much you can do about how others define you – unless they are offensive, then it is important to make a stand.
What matters is that you are comfortable with, proud of, and accepting of your own identity.
Questioning who you are
In your teens you may start to question (and reject) things that made up your identity as a child.
This can feel confusing as what you know about yourself may begin to feel shaky and uncertain. But don’t worry – according to science this is totally normal.
The science bit
The psychologist Erik Erikson called this tricky period when teenagers work through their identity – identity versus role confusion. According to Erikson, it is vital to think about and explore identity at this age so the path you take in adulthood is one that you have chosen yourself rather than one chosen for you.
Identity is not fixed
Age 10 you might have been known for being an elite swimmer, age 15 you might not swim at all. At 18 you might start to compete again having missed the pool.
At 12 you may have had your first boyfriend, at 16 you may decide you possibly prefer girls and at 18 you might be sure you are only like girls or have gone back to liking boys, or both, and that’s okay too.
Identity is fluid, you never have to put labels on yourself (unless you want to) no matter what age you are.
Exploring identity can be daunting, especially if it goes against other people’s expectations.
But (and this is important) you are the one person you will spend your whole life with so it is not disappointing yourself that matters most.
Changes
You might work out who you are by experimenting with different appearances or interests.
You might join a new club, read up on different perspectives or see the school counsellor to chat things over.
Changes you make may completely baffle your parents who will be left wondering where ‘you ‘ have gone. You may need to explain to them it’s a normal part of your development and that you would like their support.
What helps
In order to confidently explore your identity it can help to …
- Find role models for the things you care about.
- Think about what sparks you and makes you feel alive.
- Explore your values and the things you like best about yourself
- Meet like-minded people
Figuring out who you want to be is time well spent.
Be Confident Be You address a range of issues facing teens today and is OUT NOW and Becky has created a list of her best go-to Growth Mindset Books for kids on her blog Emotionally Healthy Kids.
How Parents Can Support a Teen’s Confidence Journey
Encourage Exploration – Teens go through a natural period of self-discovery. Support their changing interests rather than resisting them.
Talk About Failure – Remind them that setbacks are part of learning. Confidence grows when they see mistakes as stepping stones.
Model Self-Confidence – If they see you taking on challenges and handling criticism well, they’re more likely to do the same.
Validate Their Feelings – Let them know it’s okay to feel unsure sometimes. What matters is how they respond.
Final Thought
However alone you feel, it’s important to know you’re NOT alone. There are always other people finding things difficult as well. Focus on what you can do. Not what you can’t. And if you find it hard to reach out to people there are so many valuable mental health books worth reading, and plenty of fabulous book suggestions by people who have struggled with mental health themselves, such as this top 5 recommended mental health book list by RaisieBay
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